Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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