Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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