yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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