Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
