I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
