Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
