fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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