wanna go halves on a baby?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
