hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
