He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
