I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
