We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Your penis caused this!
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