I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Four minutes until I can fart!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
