Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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