Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
