Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
