Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
