My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
