Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
