just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
