there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
