i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
