Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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