I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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