why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
