This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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