she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
