is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
