Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
