I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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