that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
