is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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