Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
