Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
