Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
