While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
