its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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