My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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