If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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