wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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