I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
