his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
