i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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