from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
