Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
