I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
