I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
