I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My balls are so social today.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
