My room smells like vodka and shame
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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