I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
