The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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