so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
