His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
